Nobody Expects the Spanish Inquisition

I consider myself to be a happy person. This year I've worked to become happier (more on that later) but overall, I'm optimistic and positive in life. Sometimes it annoys people, but mostly I like to think its an asset.

Tonight that positivity was challenged. Challenged beyond what I thought I could handle. Around lunch my work computer got a virus. I brought it to IT where they would wipe it and reload my harddrive. No biggie, its happened many times since I started at Berger. Unfortunately, today something went wrong and by 5pm my entire harddrive was deleted. That included the two in-progress final papers I'd been working on and hadn't saved anywhere else.

I know, I know. That is mistake number one. I didn't back up. Once again I felt like Carrie in that episode of Sex and the City where she talks about how everyone goes around backing up every night but never talking about it.

I had a break down. Two, actually. One in the locker room in my building while on the phone with my mom. I sobbed uncontrollably as I explained the situation, mostly just mad at myself. I pulled myself together and went to the gym in my building while IT tried to restore my files. At around 6:30, I went back upstairs. I explored the restored files, found the one I needed, let out a shriek of glee, and then my computer froze and lost everything. again. What a dirty little virus-laden computer. I tried restoring it again (while using the hour and a half to start my next paper on a different computer) but alas, my papers were gone. One paper was not a big deal, it was mainly a revision of a previous paper. But the paper I had written 90% of (12 pages, single-spaced) was gone.

I called my mom again. Breakdown number 2 was on its way. I bawled, almost to the point of wanting to throw up. But, as I realized that my papers were, in fact, gone, I wiped my tears and pulled myself together.

Begrudgingly, I spent the next two hours putting my paper back together. I'm lucky, really. I know the topic fairly well and had just written the last portions of my analysis on Sunday, so it was fairly fresh in my mind. I also had nearly all of the reference documents at hand and didn't have to go searching for them again. After those two hours, I was forced to give it a rest for the night and go home. I had rewritten 11 of my original 12 pages. I have half sentence notes waiting for me to go back and flush out. I feel ok.

I didn't have the relaxing night that I had planned, but I'm fortunate that this happened when it did. If this had happened next wednesday, I would have been on work travel, without another computer to use, and without the time available to rewrite the paper. I have nearly all of tomorrow to write, including getting my econ paper back up to speed. My weekend won't be as stress free as I had planned, but everything still has plenty of time to get done. My third paper may not be as fully drafted as I was anticipating, but I still have two weekends to write it before its due.

I could have crumbled into a ball and cried myself to sleep tonight. I nearly did. I could be cursing myself, perpetually angry at my stupidity to only keep one copy and, to an extent, I am. But that anger reaps no benefit. I can only learn and move forward.

In a situation where I could have cried "woe is me", I have managed to appreciate the good aspects of the situation and move forward with a positive outlook. Instead of going to bed angry and upset, I'm having a glass of wine, watching How I Met Your Mother reruns, and sneaking in a bit of that relaxation I was looking for.

I'm proud of what I accomplished tonight. Tomorrow will be a long day, but with a good nights sleep and a little bit of caffeine, it's nothing I can't handle.

Booya, negativity. Optimism wins again.