Men and Yoga

I've been happily going to my lunchtime yoga classes every M/W/F and have really noticed an improvement in my mood on the days that I go. I've also been observing that, on the whole, men are not suited for yoga. At least not in public.

Now, this obviously does not include my male yoga teacher (you know the one). Or those tiny, hipster males strutting around Denver in their skinny jeans. No, no. I'm talking about middle-aged, white-collar, business-suit wearing men.

Not you, you're fine

The first time I noticed this was two weeks ago, when the guy next to me at my Monday class was sweating and gasping for air (even during child's pose, folks) so much so that I thought there was a very strong chance he was having a heart attack. I was proud of him, though, for finishing a class that was clearly very painful for him and was surprised when he showed up for my next class, too. And then the next one. He apparently goes more than I do but his ability to actually do yoga has not changed. During "dead man's pose" at the end of the session, as all of us are trying to melt into our mats, he is still gasping for air and sweating all over his gym-provided mat. Gross. One day he may actually being having a heart attack and none of us will know the difference.

Wednesday's class was chock-full of middle-aged men. They outnumbered women for the first time ever in any yoga class I've ever attended. Now, I'm not a graceful person, but doing yoga next to these men makes me look like I could be a premier ballerina for the American Ballet Company. That has nothing to do with why they shouldn't do yoga, but it sure does make me feel better about myself.

How doing yoga next to men makes me feel

Men, I've noticed, also have a tendency to show off. Yesterday in my full-o-men class, one gentleman put himself into an inverted, standing head pose craziness before we even started class or warmed up. He also did all the poses plus a little extra flair every time we did something. I'm not sure he knew he was in Vinyasa Yoga 1 with beginners who weren't at all impressed.

Which brings me to my final complaint. Women can easily wear spandex long pants or capris and a tightly fitting top to aid in covering all of our fleshy bits (me especially) as we contort ourselves into various poses throughout the hour. Men typically wear baggy mesh shorts and a loose tee-shirt, which does not fulfill the same purpose. In case you were wondering, guys, I'm not closing my eyes in each pose because I am being peacefully transported to a zen garden: I'm trying to avert my vision from seeing all sorts of your exposed bits and pieces, including your oh so attractive hairy beer belly.

But I must say, all things considered, the men in my yoga class at least provide entertainment. And for the class taught by my hot male yoga teacher, they serve the important purpose of having him focus his attention on their "well thats sort of it" poses so he doesn't come by and touch me. The last two classes of his he hasn't pushed me deeper into a pose even once and, for that men in my yoga class, I am eternally grateful.